But we weren't talking about Ford driving distractedly. We were talking about the possibility that he was stone cold sober until he put his Escalade in "P" and then, while parked, pounded down however many ounces of vodka it takes for him to turn into a spitting, stumbling wreck, and ONLY THEN got out of his car to immediately exclaim to curious onlookers, "I'm not driving. I'm not driving. I'm not driving."
I know the Tommy Shanks references have already been made many hundreds of pages ago, but I can't help but recall the "Just lookin' for a contact lens, officer" line. Lemme see if I can find it on youtube.
EDIT: Couldn't find the Tommy Shanks clip, but I did stumble onto a bunch videos chronicling Johnny LaRue's run for Melonville Council, which IMO is a much better representation of Rob Ford than Tommy Shanks. LaRue's campaign slogan was "Legalize LaRue", and his commercials consisted of LaRue sitting in his office drinking and being anti-intellectual ("You'd need a college degree to read some of this stuff!"). Ahhhhh, the good old days...