M II A II R II K
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North End vs. South End
March 12, 2010
BY Chris Bilton & Chandler Levack
Read More: http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/85496
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Torontonians are passionate about where they live. So EYE WEEKLY writers are ready to face off, pitting the North against the South on subjects like pizza, roller coasters, shopping malls and way more. Which side are you on?
NORTH
By Chris Bilton
Yeah, I could go downtown and deal with all the tourists and commuters, the middling indie rockers and wannabe culturati. Or… I could just keep my travels to the north side of Bloor Street and live the urban existence of which downtowners can only dream.
It’s been a long time since I left the sketchily renovated basement apartments in Kensington Market and the yapping dogs of my Little Portugal landlords for three bedrooms and a parking space at Bathurst and Eglinton. As any Jewish octogenarian will tell you, Forest Hill is basically living proof that Kensington Market was so over in, like, the 1950s. But that — and the armed security personnel across the street — is only the tip of the north-side iceberg of awesomeness.
Everyone talks about Queen and Ossington as the centre of gallery goodness, but these places are so late to the game it's not even worth a trend story. In case you don’t know your Toronto history, the north side is basically the cradle of cultural happenings. Dudes from the Group of Seven lived in Forest Hill, and Wychwood Park was an artist colony almost a century before Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and all our favourite hippies made Yorkville (also a north-side hood) into the O.G.G (Original Gangster of Gentrification).
The further north you go, the trendier Toronto gets. Case in point: The Junction, which the New York Times touted for its lack of opportunistic real-estate speculators. Oh and let’s not forget everyone’s favourite hipster hangout The Gem — where the patio is not just a glorified Queen Street parking lot. Pusateri’s — that’s as common as Tim Hortons to us since it’s been a North York staple since the early 1960s. And no one south of the train tracks wants to admit it, but Old Queen West has been transforming itself into Yorkdale Mall for so long the only time anyone noticed was when Pages closed and they couldn’t browse through expensive art books any more.
You want an outdoor concert? We’ve got Downsview Park. You want Broadway? We’ve got the North York Centre for the Performing Arts. You want roller coasters? Don’t have to wait around for the CNE when Canada’s Wonderland is open from May until October. And you know all that environmentally friendly rapid-transit everyone’s talking about? We’re the ones who are going to get it. Heck, while you are all packed like sardines on the Queen 501 streetcar, everyone in North York has their own assigned seats on the Sheppard Line. (Incidentally, the last new subway line you are ever going to see in this city, suckas.)
Sometimes I forget that Toronto even has a lakeshore (not that you can see it past the goddamn Gardiner anyway) since I only ever notice it on a really clear day from the top of Casa Loma (yeah, we’ve got a castle). Sometimes I even forget that Toronto has a downtown, until I realize that Feist is playing a free in-store at Sonic Boom and the friggin’ Bathrust bus is late and it’s a stupid long bike-ride back up that mountainous hill and I’m probably better off just going to Blockbuster and renting another season of Family Guy.
SOUTH
By Chandler Levack
When I step out of a bagel shop on Bathurst Street, the glow of my light-up Reeboks cast a lonely shadow. It’s barely 10am.
I look around to bum some kugel from a local Hasidic resident, but they’re all at temple. My saviour is an approaching southbound bus. I’ll endure the hour-long commute, as long as it takes me to my beloved south side.
I’ve been repping the south side since I was a kindergartener, an official SoBlo-er since birth. Everyone knows that the north side of Toronto is made for Forest Hill JAPs, Willowdale burnouts and those too rich to ride a bike. Sure, there’s a bunch of malls and nice apartment buildings and stuff — but where’s the arty culture hotspots? Where’s the all-you-can-gorge vegan Ethiopian buffets (M&B Yummy, 1263 Queen W.)? Where’s the glamour?
You can’t go to a '60s dance party in a former Portuguese fish restaurant in Forest Hill. Speaking of which — what can you do in Forest Hill? All I see is a bunch of geriatrics walking their dogs before they get buried beside each other in the Mount Pleasant cemetery. Whatever.
Let’s face it — the south side is where it’s at. Those interested in scenester-spotting, can take in the Ray-Ban wearers in the neighbourhoods of Yorkville, Leslieville, Little Italy, The Annex, The Danforth, Parkdale, Queen West, West Queen West, East Queen West, The Gaybourhood, Chinatown, Kensington Market, Cabbagetown, Riverdale, Etobicoke, Baldwin Village, The Distillery District, Harbourfront, Regent Park, St. James Town, The Beaches, Koreatown, Brockton and Liberty Village. We have historic music venues, beautiful churches and, like, restaurants where you can eat a variety of food! There are beautiful streets made for sauntering in Palmerston, Sourauren and Dovercourt (where do you think Wavelength founder Jonny Dovercourt got his name, jerk-offs?). Personally, I was too busy making out in an empty community swimming pool in Trinity-Bellwoods to notice. No one goes to Yonge and Eglinton except Mystic-tanned yuppies for whom Tuesday-night trivia is the high point of their workweek. Meanwhile, us south-siders are making installation art, eating at Pizzeria Libretto (221 Ossington) and engaging in gratifying group sex at Club Wicked (1032 Queen W.). Jealous much?
Our Eaton Centre beats your Yorkdale by a gaggle of Michael Snow’s majestic geese. Our ROM and AGO are the shizz nizz. The only culture the north side provides is the anthropological sort. It’s like attending to a dinner party with your most boring friends from high school and watching them all down Bellinis at Kelsey’s because they consider that sophisticated. I don’t. (Even if I do occasionally crave the buffet at the Mandarin.)
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Yorkdale Mall: what Queen West wishes it could be
Being in the South End is so awesome, it just makes you want to dance!
March 12, 2010
BY Chris Bilton & Chandler Levack
Read More: http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/85496
###############################
Torontonians are passionate about where they live. So EYE WEEKLY writers are ready to face off, pitting the North against the South on subjects like pizza, roller coasters, shopping malls and way more. Which side are you on?
NORTH
By Chris Bilton
Yeah, I could go downtown and deal with all the tourists and commuters, the middling indie rockers and wannabe culturati. Or… I could just keep my travels to the north side of Bloor Street and live the urban existence of which downtowners can only dream.
It’s been a long time since I left the sketchily renovated basement apartments in Kensington Market and the yapping dogs of my Little Portugal landlords for three bedrooms and a parking space at Bathurst and Eglinton. As any Jewish octogenarian will tell you, Forest Hill is basically living proof that Kensington Market was so over in, like, the 1950s. But that — and the armed security personnel across the street — is only the tip of the north-side iceberg of awesomeness.
Everyone talks about Queen and Ossington as the centre of gallery goodness, but these places are so late to the game it's not even worth a trend story. In case you don’t know your Toronto history, the north side is basically the cradle of cultural happenings. Dudes from the Group of Seven lived in Forest Hill, and Wychwood Park was an artist colony almost a century before Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and all our favourite hippies made Yorkville (also a north-side hood) into the O.G.G (Original Gangster of Gentrification).
The further north you go, the trendier Toronto gets. Case in point: The Junction, which the New York Times touted for its lack of opportunistic real-estate speculators. Oh and let’s not forget everyone’s favourite hipster hangout The Gem — where the patio is not just a glorified Queen Street parking lot. Pusateri’s — that’s as common as Tim Hortons to us since it’s been a North York staple since the early 1960s. And no one south of the train tracks wants to admit it, but Old Queen West has been transforming itself into Yorkdale Mall for so long the only time anyone noticed was when Pages closed and they couldn’t browse through expensive art books any more.
You want an outdoor concert? We’ve got Downsview Park. You want Broadway? We’ve got the North York Centre for the Performing Arts. You want roller coasters? Don’t have to wait around for the CNE when Canada’s Wonderland is open from May until October. And you know all that environmentally friendly rapid-transit everyone’s talking about? We’re the ones who are going to get it. Heck, while you are all packed like sardines on the Queen 501 streetcar, everyone in North York has their own assigned seats on the Sheppard Line. (Incidentally, the last new subway line you are ever going to see in this city, suckas.)
Sometimes I forget that Toronto even has a lakeshore (not that you can see it past the goddamn Gardiner anyway) since I only ever notice it on a really clear day from the top of Casa Loma (yeah, we’ve got a castle). Sometimes I even forget that Toronto has a downtown, until I realize that Feist is playing a free in-store at Sonic Boom and the friggin’ Bathrust bus is late and it’s a stupid long bike-ride back up that mountainous hill and I’m probably better off just going to Blockbuster and renting another season of Family Guy.
SOUTH
By Chandler Levack
When I step out of a bagel shop on Bathurst Street, the glow of my light-up Reeboks cast a lonely shadow. It’s barely 10am.
I look around to bum some kugel from a local Hasidic resident, but they’re all at temple. My saviour is an approaching southbound bus. I’ll endure the hour-long commute, as long as it takes me to my beloved south side.
I’ve been repping the south side since I was a kindergartener, an official SoBlo-er since birth. Everyone knows that the north side of Toronto is made for Forest Hill JAPs, Willowdale burnouts and those too rich to ride a bike. Sure, there’s a bunch of malls and nice apartment buildings and stuff — but where’s the arty culture hotspots? Where’s the all-you-can-gorge vegan Ethiopian buffets (M&B Yummy, 1263 Queen W.)? Where’s the glamour?
You can’t go to a '60s dance party in a former Portuguese fish restaurant in Forest Hill. Speaking of which — what can you do in Forest Hill? All I see is a bunch of geriatrics walking their dogs before they get buried beside each other in the Mount Pleasant cemetery. Whatever.
Let’s face it — the south side is where it’s at. Those interested in scenester-spotting, can take in the Ray-Ban wearers in the neighbourhoods of Yorkville, Leslieville, Little Italy, The Annex, The Danforth, Parkdale, Queen West, West Queen West, East Queen West, The Gaybourhood, Chinatown, Kensington Market, Cabbagetown, Riverdale, Etobicoke, Baldwin Village, The Distillery District, Harbourfront, Regent Park, St. James Town, The Beaches, Koreatown, Brockton and Liberty Village. We have historic music venues, beautiful churches and, like, restaurants where you can eat a variety of food! There are beautiful streets made for sauntering in Palmerston, Sourauren and Dovercourt (where do you think Wavelength founder Jonny Dovercourt got his name, jerk-offs?). Personally, I was too busy making out in an empty community swimming pool in Trinity-Bellwoods to notice. No one goes to Yonge and Eglinton except Mystic-tanned yuppies for whom Tuesday-night trivia is the high point of their workweek. Meanwhile, us south-siders are making installation art, eating at Pizzeria Libretto (221 Ossington) and engaging in gratifying group sex at Club Wicked (1032 Queen W.). Jealous much?
Our Eaton Centre beats your Yorkdale by a gaggle of Michael Snow’s majestic geese. Our ROM and AGO are the shizz nizz. The only culture the north side provides is the anthropological sort. It’s like attending to a dinner party with your most boring friends from high school and watching them all down Bellinis at Kelsey’s because they consider that sophisticated. I don’t. (Even if I do occasionally crave the buffet at the Mandarin.)
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Yorkdale Mall: what Queen West wishes it could be
Being in the South End is so awesome, it just makes you want to dance!
