A
Antiloop33rpm
Guest
Has anyone ever heard of the uncyclopedia before? Think wiki, but instead of facts it prints lies. Scratch that. It is more like The Onion meeks Wiki. Either way, here is a small sample about Toronto. Enjoy the many wasted afternoons this will bring too you.
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Uncyclopedia on Toronto
Toronto is (as everyone knows) the centre of time, space and the universe in general. The greatest city known to man. Atlantis was but a pale imitation to the wonders of Toronto; Lake Ontario is saturated with the tears of those that, beholding the city's glory, broke down knowing that their place of origin will never match Toronto. The inhabitants of Toronto know this well: they remind everyone of their city's splendour, and how no city on Earth will ever match it. That doesn't exempt it from being designated street level "faggot" by the International Faggot City Council, also based in Toronto, on Church Street (the Oscar Wilde - nee 519 - Centre).
The Name
Toronto receives its name from the Native-Canadian word "Ronto", which was originally was thought to mean "a whale's vagina", but it was later discovered that it was mistranslated and in fact is more loosely understood to mean, "the feeling of happiness found while eating food which elicits easy and enjoyable bowel movements"; ironic, considering not one person in Toronto claims to "give a stuff" aboot anything, except money.
Geographical Location
Toronto has been on largely accepted by everyone in Canada not from Southern Ontario as "East of Thunder Bay and West of Montreal." Most people found in this area share the same affinity for extreme narcissism and realitve douchebaggery. It is also far too much work for the Maritimers and burnt out British Columbia pot head hippies to understand where places like Brampton, Sarnia, Niagra on the Lake, Kitchener, Sault St Marie are in relation to Toronto. By lumping them all together they free up precious grey matter to consider their next fishing trip or tree hugging granola eating protest.
Statistics and Facts
Lake Ontario has the cleanest water on earth. In fact it is so clean that when you consume the water it cleans everything from your body except your inner beauty, which explains why so many residents of the Lesser Toronto Area, aka "Mississauga", are painfully disfigured. The effects wear off after time, but people are generally left with traces of "ugly" and are forced to have cosmetic surgery, or move to Oshawa.
Toronto is renowned for being the only city in the entire world that everyone who doesn't live there hates.
Toronto is well-known for its newspapers. Everyone around the world knows that all Toronto newspapers print nothing but gabage all day long. The worst newspapapers of all are the Toronto Star and the Toronto Sun (not to be confused with our Central star, which is also known as "Sun"). Legend has it that if you so much as glance at these newspapers, your brain will turn into a pile of crap.
On winter nights most citizens become Penguins.
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Uncyclopedia on Toronto
Toronto is (as everyone knows) the centre of time, space and the universe in general. The greatest city known to man. Atlantis was but a pale imitation to the wonders of Toronto; Lake Ontario is saturated with the tears of those that, beholding the city's glory, broke down knowing that their place of origin will never match Toronto. The inhabitants of Toronto know this well: they remind everyone of their city's splendour, and how no city on Earth will ever match it. That doesn't exempt it from being designated street level "faggot" by the International Faggot City Council, also based in Toronto, on Church Street (the Oscar Wilde - nee 519 - Centre).
The Name
Toronto receives its name from the Native-Canadian word "Ronto", which was originally was thought to mean "a whale's vagina", but it was later discovered that it was mistranslated and in fact is more loosely understood to mean, "the feeling of happiness found while eating food which elicits easy and enjoyable bowel movements"; ironic, considering not one person in Toronto claims to "give a stuff" aboot anything, except money.
Geographical Location
Toronto has been on largely accepted by everyone in Canada not from Southern Ontario as "East of Thunder Bay and West of Montreal." Most people found in this area share the same affinity for extreme narcissism and realitve douchebaggery. It is also far too much work for the Maritimers and burnt out British Columbia pot head hippies to understand where places like Brampton, Sarnia, Niagra on the Lake, Kitchener, Sault St Marie are in relation to Toronto. By lumping them all together they free up precious grey matter to consider their next fishing trip or tree hugging granola eating protest.
Statistics and Facts
Lake Ontario has the cleanest water on earth. In fact it is so clean that when you consume the water it cleans everything from your body except your inner beauty, which explains why so many residents of the Lesser Toronto Area, aka "Mississauga", are painfully disfigured. The effects wear off after time, but people are generally left with traces of "ugly" and are forced to have cosmetic surgery, or move to Oshawa.
Toronto is renowned for being the only city in the entire world that everyone who doesn't live there hates.
Toronto is well-known for its newspapers. Everyone around the world knows that all Toronto newspapers print nothing but gabage all day long. The worst newspapapers of all are the Toronto Star and the Toronto Sun (not to be confused with our Central star, which is also known as "Sun"). Legend has it that if you so much as glance at these newspapers, your brain will turn into a pile of crap.
On winter nights most citizens become Penguins.
